美国大学申请Common App话题4Essay范文《Porkopolis》点评

The Topic

Felicity wrote her essay in response to option #4 of the Common Application: "Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence." When admissions counselors see that an applicant has chosen this option, they expect to find an essay on one of the likely suspects like Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, or Albert Einstein. For fiction and art, applicants tend to think big -- a Jane Austen heroine, a Monet painting, a Rodin sculpture, a Beethoven symphony.

So what are we to make of an essay that focuses on a seemingly trivial cartoon character like Lisa Simpson? Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer. It's tedious reading through thousands of college applications, so anything that jumps out as unusual can be a good thing. At the same time, the essay can't be so quirky or superficial that it fails to reveal the writer's skills and character.

Felicity takes a risk in her essay by focusing on a rather silly fictional role model. However, she handles her topic well. She acknowledges the strangeness of her focus, and at the same time she produces an essay that really isn't about Lisa Simpson. The essay is about Felicity, and it succeeds in showing her depth of character, her inner conflicts and her personal convictions.

The Title

Titles can be difficult which is why many applicants skip them. Don't. A good title can grab your reader's attention and make him or her eager to read your essay. Lora's essay "Eating Eyeballs" is a great example of a powerful title.

"Porkopolis" is perhaps a little less effective than "Eating Eyeballs," but the title still manages to make us curious and pull us into the essay. In fact, the title's strength is also its weakness. What exactly does "porkopolis" mean?. Will this essay be about pigs, or is it about a metropolis with too much pork-barrel spending? Also, the title doesn't tell us what character or work of art Felicity will be discussing. We want to read the essay to understand the title, but some readers might appreciate a little more information in the title.

The Tone

In my list of writing tips, I mention the value of including a little humor to keep the essay fun and engaging. Felicity manages humor with wonderful effect. At no point is her essay shallow or flip, but her catalog of southern pork dishes and introduction of Lisa Simpson are likely to receive a chuckle from her reader.

The essay's humor, however, is balanced with a serious discussion of a challenge Felicity faced in her life. Despite the choice of Lisa Simpson as a role model, Felicity comes across as a thoughtful and caring person who struggles to mesh the needs of others with her own convictions.

The Writing

Felicity's essay is from before 2011 when the Common Application imposed the 500-word length limit. At about 850 words, the essay would need to lose 350 words to comply with the new guidelines. When it was written, however, Felicity's essay was a good length, particularly because there's no obvious fluff or digression. Also, Felicity is clearly a strong writer. The prose is graceful and fluid. The mastery of style and language marks Felicity as a writer who would be capable of performing well at the country's top colleges and universities.

Felicity grabs our attention with her humorous first sentence, and the essay holds our interest throughout because of the shifts between the serious and the whimsical, the personal and the universal, the real and the fictional. The sentences mirror these shifts as Felicity moves between short and long phrases, and simple and complex sentence structures.

I imagine there are strict grammarians who would object to Felicity's liberal use of the dash and her lack of the word "and" to introduce the final items in some of her lists. Also, someone might take issue with her use of conjunctions (and, yet, but) as transitional words at the beginnings of sentences. I imagine most readers, however, will view Felicity as a dexterous, creative and talented writer. Any breaking of the rules in her writing works to create a positive rhetorical effect.

Final Thoughts

Like most good essays, Felicity's is not without risk. She could run up against an admissions officer who thinks the choice of Lisa Simpson trivializes the purpose of the personal essay.

However, a careful reader will quickly recognize that Felicity's essay is not trivial. Sure, Felicity may be grounded in popular culture, but she emerges from the essay as a writer who loves her family but is not afraid to stand up for her own convictions. She is caring and thoughtful, playful and serious, inward and outward looking. In short, she sounds like a great person to invite to join one's campus community.