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雅思写作内容拓展实例讲解

2014-12-31 14:53:37    来源: 互联网    责编:楷维留学指南

同学们在练习雅思写作部分的时候,往往会为字数不够而烦恼。其实要想做到雅思写作内容的充实,我们可以从词汇、句式等方面调整入手。下面小编就结合一个考试实例来告诉大家如何将自己的文章显得饱满,更具可读性。

  同学们在练习雅思写作部分的时候,往往会为字数不够而烦恼。其实要想做到雅思写作内容的充实,我们可以从词汇、句式等方面调整入手。下面小编就结合一个考试实例来告诉大家如何将自己的文章显得饱满,更具可读性。

  例题:

  Nowadays, it is widely accepted that social skills are as important as good qualifications for success in a job.

  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  开头段:

  学生习作:

  At present, more and more people think the key to success in a job is not only good qualifications, but also social skills. I completely agree with that they both are very essential to workers who want to be successful.

  教师修改:

  (1) At present,——具体化——The modern society with intensive competition

  (2) more and more people think the key to success in a job——词汇升级——increasing numbers of people to think about the key to success in one’soccupation.

  (3) not only good qualifications, but also social skills. I completely agree with that they both are very essential to workers who want to be successful——词汇升级+句子简化——not only good qualifications but social skills as wellcontribute to an employer who desires to be successful

  完整版呈现:

  The modern society with intensive competition causes increasing numbers of people to think about the key to success in one’s occupation. Personally, not only good qualifications but social skills as well contribute to an employer whodesires to be successful.

  主体段1:

  学生习作:

  Having good qualifications is necessary. Good qualifications include education background, which can prove that you have got good education and internship experience,which help you to earn a company’s trust. What is more, talent like a diploma in a wide-ranged competition, which also means you are intelligent and you are adequate for a job. The competition of finding a job is going more severe, a good qualification gives you a short cut to find a job first, and then you can start going to be successful in it. Actually, good qualifications play a significant role on the way you are going to succeed in a job.

  教师修改:

  (1) having good qualifications is necessary——具体化——Undeniably, having good qualifications is necessary (both in finding and adapting to a certain position).

  (2) Good qualifications include education background, which can prove that you have got good education and internship experience,which help you to earn a company’s trust.——结构比较散乱,看不清主旨+词汇升级——Good qualifications include education background that can prove one’s academic level and internship experience that can indicate the person’s skills to some degree, which willfacilitate an applicant earning a company’s trust immediately.

  (3) What is more, talent like a diploma in a wide-ranged competition, which also means you are intelligent and you are adequate for a job. ——语法结构用得比较散+简化+具体化——What is more, (具体化while working), other talents (简化with a certification in a wide-ranged competition) also mean(简化you are intelligent and adequate)( 具体化for more tasks in a job), (具体化thus providing you with more opportunities to show and behave yourself).

  (4) The competition of finding a job is going more severe, a good qualification gives you a short cut to find a job first, and then you can start going to be successful in it.——用词不当,表意不清——链接Obviously, a good qualification gives one a shortcut (具体化to find a suitable job first), and then (信息重组bring about a stage to access to achieve goals in career), under the severe competitive circumstances.

  完整版呈现:

  Undeniably, having good qualifications is necessary both in finding and adapting to a certain position. Good qualifications include education background that can prove one’s academic level and internship experience that can indicatethe person’s skills to some degree, which will facilitate an applicant earning a company’s trust immediately. What is more, while working, other talents with a certification in a wide-ranged competition also mean you are intelligent and adequate for more tasks in a job, thus providing you with more opportunities to show and behave yourself. Obviously, a good qualification gives one a shortcut to find a suitable job first, and then bring about a stage to access to achieve goals in career, under the severe competitive circumstances.

  让步段:

  学生习作:

  However, maybe you can get a good job, which is called dream job by others, but it’s not easy to be a winner in a job via a good qualification alone, so you must know how to utilize social skills. Actually, most time you work with and for people, you need to have communication with others, so judging how other are feeling is a valuable social skill because we have no way of seeing inside another person’s head, after you make a almost right judge, you could follow other’s desire and emotion, which determine what you need to do next step to achieve your goal.

  教师修改后完成版:

  However, it’s not easy to be a winner in a job just via a good qualification alone. If you get into a job smoothly through the not bad first impression, then social skills will determine whether work-related stuffs can be under control. Actually, most time you work for and with people, therefore, communication with others have been an unavoidable procedure. Good social skills are directly reflected in interpersonal skills, which means whether you are able to work or cooperate with others efficiently by correctly judging the real feeling of or words from colleagues. Only when you got know your co-workers well can you figure out what to do next and how to achieve your goal.

  结论段:

  学生习作

  Even though social skills are as important as good qualifications, for success in a job, I have to say that hardworking is the most essential factor to achieve one’s aim. The hardworking man who has good qualifications and good at social-skill utilization would be the final winner in the workplace.

  教师修改后完成版:

  Even though social skills are as important as good qualifications for success in a job, I have to say that diligence is the most essential factor to achieve one’s aim. The hardworking man who has good background of qualifications andflexible utilization of social skills would be the final winner in a workplace.

  总之,语言升级升级的方式无非就是名词化——词汇升级——具体化——简化,如何能从以上的修改中,具备像老师一样的修改能力的话,一定可以不断点再自己能力范围内,修改自己的文章,从而达到更高的水平。更多雅思考试资料下载,请关注楷维留学指南雅思考试频道。

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